hey, you…

yeah, you…

betcha can’t guess what my favorite flavor of chex mix is…

if you guessed “peanut lover’s” the answer is no… i’m allergic to peanuts…

… but if you guessed “bold party blend” then you’re correct! great job there, friend!

here’s a follow up question for you… guess which flavor of chex mix has reduced my poor pregnant wife to dry heaving just from the smell?… any takers?… hmmm?…

if you guessed “peanut lover’s” again… you’re an idiot!

… but if you guessed “bold party blend” you are correct once again! hooray for you!

yes, it seems that i’ve angered some chex mix deity out there somewhere somehow, and now he’s taking his revenge on me by causing my wife’s nose to implement a “no eating of the bold party blend chex mix within smelling distance” rule (or the “banished blend rule” as i’ve just decided it will come to be known)

and you’re saying, “come on austin…”

(my name is austin by the way… hi)

“come on austin, it’s not that bad, all you have to do is get to a place where she can’t smell it… stop being such a selfish, insensitive, wimp-of-a-husband and just leave the room”

to which i reply,”hey, not cool calling me out in my own blog like that.  who do you think you are?”

and then i’d say, “besides, leaving the room is not enough, you’d think it would be… but it’s not”

it’s true, i’ve actually gone outside a time or two, just so i could indulge in the fun and flavorful goodness of the “b.p.b” and yes, it was totally worth it.

but what the heck is going on with that nose of my wifes?

is she fo real? or is this all one big exaggeration and her taking advantage of the whole being pregnant thing?

actually fellas… it’s the first.

and estrogen is the hormone we’re going to blame it on here.

the increase in hormone levels, during pregnancy, can cause some women to have sense of smell that will rival most shepherds.

(the dog breed, not the sheep watchers)

scientists have actually, done a several month long study on dogs, and found that their nose can be over 100,000 times as powerful as a humans.

and i did about a twelve second study on my own thoughts about a pregnant womans smelling ability, and found that her nose can be about 250,000 times stronger than a dogs nose! which if you do the math… is… 350,000 times stronger than a non-pregnant humans nose!

all true…. look it up.

crazy huh?

so men, what can we do to avoid sending our better halves into a dry heaving frenzy?

i’m glad you asked, way to show some initiative!

here’s a list of things/ smells to avoid:

1. onions

2. cigarettes

3. seafood

4. morning breath (how do you avoid it? figure out a way)

5. the produce section at the grocery store

6. gasoline or gas that comes out of any hole in your body

7. coffee

8. that cologne she used to love you wearing

9. wet dogs

10. that creepy guy at work that doesn’t bathe and coincidentally likes to give out “free hugs”… don’t you dare let him rub his dirty scent off on you and then take it home to your lady. shame on you.

that should help in getting you started… good luck.

and remember, in case you make some smelly mistake in the future; get her fake flowers and non-scented candles.

(anything else i should add to the list?)