guys, i feel i need to prepare you for something.
something kind of big…
you might not ever be completely ready for it…
but the more time you have to prepare yourself the better…
see, it’s come to my attention, there are some of you operating under the delusion that girls only pee…
or that they don’t even do that…
and i hate to be the bully on the playground that tells you santa doesn’t exist… but he doesn’t… and girls pee… and girls poop too.
doesn’t it feel better knowing the truth?
don’t worry, it will eventually.
you’ll find, as i have, your wife/ baby-momma’s personality traits are going to change much quicker than her body does (now, whether this is due to hormones or its all in her head, we’ll never know… but i am not going to be the one to find out)
one of these changes will be her suddenly feeling the need to inform you of anything/ everything that happens to her in the bathroom… everything…
yes, that shy southern belle, who left the room to break even the most elegant of winds, is gone… and in her place stands a loud mouthed newsie on the street corner screaming “extree, extree, read all about it!” declaring the news of her most recent bowel movement to the world!
… ok, maybe not to the world, but the things she’s going to share with you are definitely going to shake up your world.
now, i’m going going to get a bit technical, so bear with me.
the male brain is not built to withstand such concentrated doses of Female-Overshare-Of-Doodie or “F.O.O.D”. In fact, studies have actually shown that too much F.O.O.D can actually result in a serious condition in men known as Cerebral-Relapse-And-Paralysis or “C.R.A.P”.
and my friends, there is absolutely nothing funny about C.R.A.P. even the most determined of men can get taken down by their C.R.A.P. the loved ones of these men also have a hard time with their C.R.A.P. many families have tried together, to conquer the C.R.A.P. but before they know it, it’s wrecked ’em.
just to sum it up for you; too much F.O.O.D will result in C.R.A.P.
sad, i know.
but enough is enough!
there is a new movement rising, and we’re taking a stand against C.R.A.P.
we are : Clever-Lads-Ending-Negative-Crap-Hearing… or C.L.E.N.C.H.
we don’t have to C.R.A.P. everytime they give us F.O.O.D.! we’re not helpless! we have a choice!
join me in this movement! together we can say no to C.R.A.P. and yes to the C.L.E.N.C.H.!
which will you choose?
i choose to C.L.E.N.C.H.!